Relay for Life Kickoff

Tonight I am going to be making a speech at the Relay for Life Kickoff in Corning NY. The following is the speech I intend to give (So I will probably more or less do just that).
Hope it makes you laugh and cry ---

I was asked to speak tonight from the perspective of a survivor. What exactly is a survivor? Webster’s definition is as follows: “a person who continues to function or prosper in spite of opposition, hardship, or setbacks”. Those of you who know me are aware that before my cancer experience I already considered myself to BE a survivor – having lost my father and then my first husband in a bizarre accident both before my 41st birthday. Then just when my life seemed to be “back together” I got thrown into the experience of a lifetime. I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. What an experience it turned out to be. While I never wanted to be a part of this SURVIVORS GROUP what I learned during the last 12 months will stay with me forever – leaving me holistically changed. Here are a few of the most important things I have learned:
1. Cancer is not a DEATH Sentence – It’s a POST IT note to remember to live
· I read this somewhere and really liked it. Sometimes it takes something really scary, really tough to make us appreciate what’s going on in our everyday lives.
2. Balance is the key to life
· One of the strangest things about cancer therapy is all the STUFF they give you – and by that I mean STUFF like blankets and pillows, pens, etc. from the drug companies. One of the things they give out to all of us is a cookbook on balanced nutrition and how that helps during and after cancer treatment. Trouble is - NONE of those cookbooks tell you how to cook with CLAY though – and that’s what most everything you eat during CHEMO tastes like. The only thing I could taste was COLD and SWEET – CAKE AND ICE CREAM. That’s pretty balanced right? As long as you eat them together. Eggs, Milk, Flour…. Right? We had a friend in the chemo “lounge” that suggested that a balanced diet consisted of hohos in one hand and a Hershey bar in the other. THAT’S a cancer BALANCED diet. Sure do miss you Barb J
3. Life is hard but the alternative really SUCKS
· Cancer therapy has the unique ability to wipe away all that you have ever held as a truth. Remember before chemo thinking that you were so sick that you couldn’t ever feel any worse? Chemo changed that, right? Who would have ever thought that you would be glad to have ONE day that didn’t involve either DULCOLAX or IMMODIUM or both in the same day, feel relief that you didn’t need to take your temperature hourly, or that you’d actually be grateful to have someone get blood out of your chest. You couldn’t possibly know that the future would hold days so much better than the ones you were currently experiencing because you didn’t really know how awful you felt. You found out that you CAN and DID feel way worse than you ever humanly thought possible. BUT – you made it through. You battled every day with what strength you had and made it through.
· How many days do we get up faced with the challenges of what lies ahead in our day and forget to thank GOD for our lives, KISS our spouses and children, and fully appreciate what it means to be alive? CANCER changes that perspective and if you stay true to this new perspective, everyone around you will benefit as much as you. You learn that you can’t be so afraid of DYING that you don’t LIVE. Look around you - what can you do to help someone else? How can you get your story out? What can you contribute to someone’s day?
4. What’s on the left hand side of your personal ledger?
· Accountant’s know that’s where you record your assets. Cancer teaches you that the most important asset you have are your friends and family. Who else could you turn to that would put your underwear on for you, sleep on your couch overnight when you weren’t allowed to stay alone because you were too sick to care for yourself, bring you white cake from Crystal City Bakery when you had the most terrific craving that wouldn’t go away and make you a big kettle of homemade soup every time you went in for chemo. Your family and friends become the most gifted guardian angels of all time. Without them – you’d be lost. And then – then came the new friends….the other women in the chemo lab who shared their inner most fears with you, the staff at the Cancer Center –ready and willing to do whatever it took to make you feel even marginally better, and the other survivors that you have met along the way who have so honestly shared their stories with you. Where would you be without them? You learn to embrace each person in your life – old and new, family, friends and potential friends – in a totally different way than ever before. And so you live passionately and love fiercely. All the time remembering always that
· Right Now -
· > -somebody is thinking of you.
· > -somebody is caring about you.
· > -somebody misses you
· > -somebody wants to talk to you.
· > -somebody wants to be with you.
· > -somebody hopes you aren't in trouble.
· > -somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.
· > -somebody wants to hold your hand.
· > -somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
· > -somebody wants you to be happy.
· > -somebody wants you to find him/her.
· > -somebody is celebrating your successes.
· > -somebody wants to give you a gift.
· > -somebody thinks that you ARE a gift.
· > -somebody loves you.
· > -somebody admires your strength.
· > -somebody is thinking of you and smiling.
· > -somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.
5. Make the most of every day
· While cancer can be all consuming, it really is a notice that this isn’t DRESS REHEARSAL. SO – Make the most of every day. Easier said than done RIGHT? WRONG. Every day that GOD gives you is a present. EVERY DAY. So, you play cards with new friends in the chemo lab, reach out to a new patient who is clearly frightened by their first visit, take the time to listen – really listen to your children’s stories, hopes, dreams, and fears.
· Find a way to give BACK – Join a support group where you can help others by listening and offering encouragement. We have started two here in Corning. One is called Supportive Care – a sponsorship program to reach newly diagnosed patients at the earliest possible opportunity with the hope of making their journey a little less frightening if only by giving them a new friend who listens. We can all use more friends. Maybe you would like to become a public advocate – join relay for life, race for the cure, 3 day walk. Talk to others about testing and treatment, paying attention to your body, and working towards being healthier.
· Make your mark on life and make your life count.
· Thank you.

2008 and ready to roll

Hi all. SO it's March 4th, 2008 (tomorrow my son turns 24 - Hard to believe) and ONCE AGAIN - I've been very awful about updating.
My job is wonderful - I love the place the people and the work.
I'm feeling better every day -- Still very tired by 9pm but hey I'm also old :)
Helping some family members and friends I know prepare to begin treatment - hopefully with results as good as mine. Keep the faith guys.
My love to all of you....every day.

Well I'm back.............

Hi everyone - so sorry for the extended absence here..... Let me try to catch everyone up to speed.....

I had my first mammogram on Louise on 9/11 which was extremely painful because of the hematoma. Then I had a total meltdown in the breast center because they used the same wording to tell me that I had to have another test done as they did last February. Later they explained that it's very common to have to have an ultrasound after contributed to it not being a very good day.

I had my colonoscopy on 10/10 and it was very favorable. Dr Fastiggi said that the only thing he would really recommend that I don't eat is POPCORN = just my most favorite thing -- oh well. My followup blood work showed only that my cholesterol is elevated - HMMMM cake and ice cream?>?? oh well, I'll work on that and get it back down -- Oatmeal here I come....

My imaging for radiation got pushed back a little bit but I finally started my radiation November 5th. Today is my 24 - only 11 more after today. I have been having "whole breast" radiation up til now and will start "tumor bed targeted" on December 17th. If all goes as planned - I will have my last treatment on December 28, 2007. WOOHOO.


I am currently quite red and "burnt" under my arm and under Louise. I'm using Silvadene creme on the open blistery spots and Aquaphor on the rest. Once the "whole breast" part is done, that should start to heal very quickly. ONLY 3 more of those.


On October 22, at 5:00 pm my boss called me completely unexpectedly to tell me that my position had been eliminated at work effective that day so I have been unemployed from that point on. This has caused some serious strain on us financially but we are doing ok. Unemployment of $405 a week has helped a little. Good news is that I have taken a position at a local company begining Monday December 17th as the VP of Finance. I'm glad to be going back to work and am getting very excited.

I had my MediPort removed on November 6th - I was in and out of surgery before Rob even got there from work. Now - no more pinching or anything in my chest -- YEAH :))

I almost have fingernails again - almost. And I've had my hair cut once already. It was standing up all over very weirdly but it looks much better now.

The boys started on a competative travel hockey team this year and are really loving it. This is really a change for them (AND US) and we are really quickly becoming a HOCKEY FAMILY. We have practices every Tuesday and games MOST Saturdays and Sundays. They are very good for their age and the coach was very surprised to learn this is their first year in a competative league.

Again - I apologize for falling off the face of the earth. Losing my job was very difficult for me and I kinda went into seclusion. BUT -- I'M BACK :) I promise more frequent information.

Much love to you all,
B

Radiation Oncology Plan

Hi all - today (our 5th anniversary) we went for our initial appointment with Dr Prouix and scheduled our start date for imaging to start on 10/12. I have to have 2 sets of 2 appointments prior to the actual radiation so I get a bit more time off from all treatment YEAH :) Side effects are supposed to be minimal with Radiation so hopefully that is the case. I will have to go 5 days a week for 7 weeks for a total of 35 treatments. I should be finished around Thanksgiving now.

I saw the Physician's Assistant in Gastroenterology and was given the "green light" to eat fresh fruit with no skins but not any raw veggies yet. I can have a little salad but not a whole meal's worth. I was so excited that I ate an apple that very day and then Cheryl brought me a whole bag of them to have at camp (thanks Cheryl). I have scheduled a colonoscopy and endoscopy on 10/10. This will give us information about my diverticulitis (like if it was just caused by the chemo) and help us plan for better food choices in the future.

My hair is growing (YIPPEE) but my fingernails are falling off. They are breaking in the center of the nail beds and then peeling off. This is very painful and harder for me than losing my hair as I always kept my nails done so nicely (thank you lisa).

Oh well -- this too shall pass. They are only nails - right?
Hope this finds all of you well. I love you all.
B

Last chemo DONE

Hi all - Last Tuesday - August 14th was my very last CHEMO!! HURRAY!!! I'm all done!! I have a mammogram on Louise on the 6th and see Dr Prouix (radiation oncologist) on the 7th which is also our 5th wedding anniversary. Will know then what the plan is for my radiation treatment. Seeing my Primary Care Physician on the 27th to get some other tests scheduled (like colonoscopy to see what if any permanent damage there is from the diverticulitis) but don't need to have any further scans etc per Dr Welt. I can have the port removed after October 1st. Am thinking that I will wait until radiation is over - so probably around Thanksgiving.

This is the third cycle break week but really the first week of the rest of my life. I am starting to feel better - still have a little sore throat, fatigue, and muscle aches - but better. Each day I seem to feel better than the day before.

Thanks so much for following my adventure and challenge. I will continue to post information here as it happens. Coming now - A cancer free existance.
I love you all.

Round 3 - Second week DONE

Hi everyone.

My second "break" week I went to San Diego for a sales meeting and had a great week. I felt wonderful. My friend Sarah came back home with me for the weekend and we went to Bucktail for an absolutely awesome weekend. I felt great the whole week.

Last week was the first treatment of Round 3. Dr Welt was really pleased with my progress. We talked about having the port removed and what comes next. I had to get the two ProCrit shots as my hematacrit was a little low - but nothing really bad. I felt pretty awful on Wed and Thur - it was over 100 degrees here on Thur so I didn't really mind staying in the air conditioned camper. By Saturday I was feeling a little better - worked at the Wacky Water Works games and went to my 30th High School Reunion that nite. It was a lot of fun to see so many friends that I hadn't seen in so long.

Yesterday was the second treatment of Round 3. Didn't have to see the Dr this week so got in and out pretty quickly. Ashley Smith stayed with the boys so they didn't have to go home and they enjoyed a little more time at Bucktail. I am going to get a Neulasta shot right now as my white count was down to 2.0 which is not TOO bad but not good either.

We have one more treatment - ONE MORE. Then I see the Radiation Oncologist on 9-7 (our 5th wedding anniversary) to discuss what the plan is for my second round of treatment. I should begin that part of the treatment about 2 weeks after that.

I am so excited to be this close to being done -- YEAH. The boys and Rob are excited as well. I am hopeful that I won't be too sick this week or next.

I am sure that all of your thoughts and prayers have kept me going this whole time. March 28 seems like so very long ago - the day of my first chemo. You all have kept me strong. Thanks for all of that - and for all of your love. B

Week 3 - Second Round - DONE!!!

Well today was Week 3 of the second round. I met with Dr Welt today and he is very happy with my progress. Little concern regarding the neuropathy (numbness) in my left hand and sure that feeling will return once I complete the third round.

I asked him what happens next - once all three rounds are done -- and he said no more scans because the others all showed positive things. We will schedule an appointment with Dr. Prouix (Radiation dr) at that time and I will have 2 - 4 weeks off before I start with him.

I am feeling pretty good - my actual weight loss is 32.25 pounds - I had a "Faulty" start weight But that is still really good. Am hopeful I will sleep some tonite (the steroids kick my butt) so say a little prayer for good sleep. I have a slight sore throat and since I am going to San Diego next Sunday I am going in to be checked tomorrow morning - just a precaution.

Thanks for reading my blog. WE ARE ALMOST DONE!!!
I love you all, B